in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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