Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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