Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
where does the pee come out of this thing
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
