White coat. Heels.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
