Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
