White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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