I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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