Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
