i already hear my dad disowning me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
