yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
