i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
