All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
