I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
