her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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