I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
