My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
