he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
