wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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