Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
