I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
