She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
