I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
