I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
