Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
