Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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