Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
