What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
