This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
