I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
