masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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