Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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