so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
