so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
