her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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