I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just google imaged poop.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
