Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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