How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
