I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
