Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
