i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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