Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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