Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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