The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
