I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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