I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
