Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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