Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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