you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
