I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
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