he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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