is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
