At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
