This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
